Life is really good now, no lie. It was not always like this.
I was born on the 6th of September in the mid 1980’s. Was born in Los Angles. My biological father didn’t stick around for long. The time of departure varies greatly between the two parental units. My mother, Cynthia aka Cindy, then went perusing through military bases, particularly the bars that the young officers frequented, eventually meeting a man named Todd. They soon married and Todd formally adopted me. Todd was/is a good man. I had a really good life with him as a father. He was also an Marine Corps officer. He flew fighter jets. As a kid, he took me in the flight simulator and taught me how to fly Harriers.
My mother, however, held a TON of animosity towards me. She never wanted kids and felt that I forced her into this life. She’d go through these cycles where she would be quite abusive, but then she’d feel bad and buy me lots of stuff. But, then she’d get mad again…
Year later, Cindy raged at me that she always wanted to go to law school. She sees all the fun stuff that I post on social media. “That should have been MY LIFE!” Did that influence my decision not to have children of my own? Probably.
My dad (Todd) would tell me that when you actually got to know people, everyone had an abusive childhood. He just kept working a lot. Got deployed a lot too. Inevitably, more kids came. The house was chaotic.
Fast forward, when I was 10 year old, my mother started preparing to get divorced. She did the by purchasing a fancy house in Yuma, AZ and enrolled me into an equestrian show jumping program. I thought she was being nice all of a sudden. When I was 12, she bought me two horses off the race track. I got to pick which one I wanted to keep. I kept the dark bay. She was trying to show the courts that this was the lifestyle that she was accustomed to…
Needless to say, this did not work. More on that later.
At 12 I was molested. This blew open a huge pedophile ring. A lot of people were quite mad at me.
My parents divorce was finalized when I was 14. My mother owed money all over Yuma, AZ. She did not get the massive divorce pay out that she was expecting. She had to pack up and flee town.
Also, when I was 14, Cindy financially dropped me. Todd was not will to finance my lifestyle. The entire family had moved to Coronado, California at this point. Both of them rented separate places on the island.
Cindy tried flirting around the island, trying to get guys to pay her bills. It didn’t work at all and just made her look like a fool. I put up little flyers around the island offering to babysit. This is how I planned to pay for my horse. It worked. Those people on the island saw the situation that I was in and helped me so much. Several adults sat me down and told me what a good person I was. They helped me get FAR away from my family. They still help me to this day. In high school, my anxiety was so bad it was hard for me to speak. I did not finish high school.
When I was 17, I officially dropped out of high school and went to work for a strike. Went to the bank on my own. The vice-president of the Washington Mutual Bank on Coronado Island saw me standing in line. She called me over to her desk and asked me what I was there for. Told her that I needed a bank account. She wasn’t going to do it until she saw my birth certificate. She gasped and said, “Oh! You’re Cindy’s daughter!” Without hesitation, she agreed to co-sign on a bank account. I now had financial independence. My parents did find out and try to get access to the money. I was making a TON of money working for the strike. They couldn’t do it and they were MAD. Saved up enough money and ran away from home.
The homeless people of San Diego showed me how to survive in the urban jungle. Made new friends. Some people had places for me to crash at. I didn’t tell anyone how much I had in savings. Some days I went hungry to make sure the money stretched for as long as I needed to. No one ever bother me. It wasn’t a great situation to be in but it was a life.
Backing up a little bit. While I was in high school, my mother started making my life absolute Hell. It was way worse than before. When I turned 18, I found out that my mother had blown the settlement that I had gotten when I was 12. It was supposed to go into a conservatorship. She was working for Wells Fargo Bank at the time and simply got the check made out to cash. Cindy Also told me that I’d get the money when I turned 28. There is a statue of limitations on check fraud. If I’d waited until I was 28, I would have had no legal recourse. Called her out on that. She didn’t have shit to say.
During the court process, at first Cindy was refusing to leave her house, so couldn’t be served with papers. She was also refusing to show up to court. So, I stopped showing up to court. When Cindy heard that I was not showing up to court, she started showing up to court. Then, I started showing up to court. She was so sweet. Then, when she realized the jig was up, she started being belligerent to the judge. The judge told me that he’d ever seen a case like this in his entire time on the bench. He also told me that he’d keep me in his prayers for the rest of his life.
Cindy spent some time locked up for this. She also lost custody of her children. She called me laughing, saying that she filled for bankruptcy just so that she’d never have to actually pay me. It took some persuading; she paid me 🙂
Fast forward to 2018. I am living in Kazakhstan and teaching English as a second language. Got a call from Cindy. I hadn’t spoken to her in years. She was talking, using her “sweet voice”. That’s when I knew that she couldn’t get to me and I wasn’t falling for it. She became livid. Started screaming about how she tried to do everything to get me declared incompetent so that I’d have no legal recourse for the money that she stole. “But you had to be too Gd damned SMART!” Her thought was that by getting me declared incompetent, all of my assets would go under her name and I’d have no legal recourse. I stayed calm. I asked her what her plan was with that. She planned to have me locked up in an asylum until I was 21. At that point she was just going to drop me off in the middle of nowhere and leave me there to die. Oh my!
So many years had passed, I asked her what her plan was now. Cindy told me. Her plan was get alienate everyone from my life so that I had no choice but to move back home. Then I’d sign a contract. Pay her a lot of money. Be under her complete control. This part of the conversation went on for over half an hour. Such meticulous detail. The tone in her voice. It was also like a weird fetish. Then, the she spoke the final words of her plan. “Then I’m going to throw you out of the house and then you’re going to die.” She kept screaming about how I couldn’t just stay off payroll and utilities forever. Screaming about how she’d find me. I had to take some time off work. Stayed home. Binge watched Rick and Morty. Cried for three days. Left all my tear behind after that.
Over the years, I’ve had a lot of different jobs. Some of these jobs I was fired from and I didn’t know why. Eventually, through all of this, I learned that Cindy as well as multiple other family members were calling around, acting like concerned family members and getting me fired. Now, they call like they are former employers.
The last part of my psycho moms soliloque with herself, she screamed about how she never had anyone in her life like I did. No one ever reached out to help her. That must have been so hard for her. I just apologized. Told her that I was sorry for what ever happened to her because must have been horrific but she was not allowed back into my life. She just kept screaming how she’d find me.
The father who raised me,Todd, grew up in the tiny town of Neche, North Dakota. My mother, Cindy, was gorgeous and grew up in Los Angeles. This woman absolutely ripped my dad apart during the divorce. She was so savvy. I remember her and her friends sitting around the dinner table discussing what to do next. My sweetheart of a dad; his soul just got crushed.
After that phone call with Cindy, called Todd and let him know what was going on. His response was, “Well…” My family members were all quite embarrassed by the situation and I was the squeaky wheel that needed to get greased. It was kinda like that scene in a horror movie where all of a sudden everything makes sense. Except this wasn’t a horror movie, it was my like.
The Kazakh people didn’t care about my mother’s phone calls and were quite kind to me.
In 2020, the pandemic hit. I had to return to the United States. All of the jobs I had lined up fell through. My health tanked. Crohn’s went out of control. Had a second hip surgery that didn’t go very well. Was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis. Couldn’t afford rent. I “lived” in Nassau County. Ended up in a homeless hotel. It was awful. But, I had a roof over my head. Was just going nuts and playing the violin all day. This was the second time in my life that I had no idea what to do next.
My mother, and other people that I’d testified against, stood up to etc were calling the homeless hotel, trying to get me kicked out. It didn’t work. Then I also knew who was looking for me and what they were saying. Also, no one showed up to kill me, so there is that.
I still had my fancy outfits. Started marketing myself as a house sitter. I’d watch your house in exchange for room and board. Perhaps a couple of things off of my wish list as well. It Worked! Slowly I found more and more places to house sit / farm sit for and I was able to get out of the homeless shelter and stay off the grid.
One of the places that I started volunteering with was the Foundation for Underground Caves and Karsts. At one point I got a hysterical phone call from a family member, screaming that they didn’t know what I’d convinced people of and that the cavers wouldn’t kick me out no matter what was told to them. For this, I am forever grateful to the caving community.
I am on the board of directors with the Foundation for Underground Caves and Karsts and they have become some of my best friends.
I now volunteer with several organizations. On the days that my autoimmune conditions are kicking me @$$, I make sure to dress my best. On the days I feel awful and just have to stay in bed all day, I just stay home and rest. Have several more nice dresses to pick from now. I get invited to invitation only parties. I wish I could type absolutely everything out but not everyone who reads this is going to be as proud as I am.
At the end of all of it, I’m alive and grateful. The other day, someone showed up at one of the places that I volunteer at and was absolutely hysterical. They just needed someone to talk to. Security was motioning to me. I motioned back that everything was okay. Together, we were able to sit down and make a plan.
I believe this to be my purpose on Earth. To help people. I’ve had one heck of a life. It gave me an education like no other. When I was at Jesse Gurganus Elementary in Havelock, NC, the art teach would look into my eyes and tell me that I was going to live a wondrous life. She’s hold my hands and have me promise her over and over that I’d always remain kid. I’ve kept that promise 💕